What Compassion Isn't

   One of the topics of consideration that comes up when thinking about compassion is thinking about what compassion isn’t.

   The research literature on the topic of compassion contains a number of topics “new” to the discussion of compassion, one of them being Self-Compassion, and another one being Compassion Fatigue.

   The leading premise in the subject of Self-Compassion is that before we can be compassionate with others, we need to be compassionate to ourselves. To me this appears to be an excuse for not showing compassion to others “until I’ve taken care of myself”, and that’s something that could theoretically be put off indefinitely.

   Another part of the Self-Compassion school that I have difficulty is in using the word compassion to apply to “self” rather than “other”.

   From compassion’s roots in Buddhist practice, Judeo-Christian theology, and even Western philosophy as far back as Aristotle, the concept of compassion always included the “other” as a pivotal part of its definition. Many discussions also include a component of recognizing the other person’s pain as one’s own, and the desire to alleviate suffering comes from that metaphysical recognition that we are all “one”.

   Further, getting too caught up in the Self-Compassion paradigm could lead to narcissistic tendencies, and the avoidance of having compassion for anyone but one’s self.

   The bottom line is, we ought to take care of ourselves, not because of some trendy new theory, but because taking care of ourselves is the right thing to do.

   This leads directly to the topic of Compassion Fatigue: the idea that people who practice too much compassion can get tired out. That used to just be called burnout, but that puts the onus on the caregiver to take better care of themselves. Compassion Fatigue takes the blame off the practitioner and places it on the “act” of practicing compassion, another false pretense.

   Self care, that is: proper nutrition, sleep, social activities, spiritual practices, physical activity, and stress management, should be considered part of any caregiving activity, whether it be as a parent, counselor, first responder, massage therapist, family caregiver, or friend.

   To blame the act of being compassionate for one’s own failure to properly care for one’s self is irresponsible and childish. If we claim to be adults, then we need to take adult responsibility for the outcome of our actions.

   Other research literature I have read actually refutes the claims of both the Self-Compassion proponents and the Compassion Fatigue cautionaries.

   A study done of Master Therapists (therapists who have practiced 20 years or more) showed that practitioners who used “exquisite empathy”, holistic self-care, developed mindful self-awareness, maintained clear boundaries, and engaged in active optimism, reported high levels of professional satisfaction and low levels of professional burnout and vicarious traumatization (Harrison & Westwood, 2009).

   What this tells me is that practicing compassion (aka. exquisite empathy) actually serves a protective function for people in caregiving roles.

   I think it’s time to put away the self-compassion and compassion fatigue excuses and just be compassionate.

~*~

Reference used:

Harrison, R. L., & Westwood, M. J. (June 01, 2009). Preventing Vicarious Traumatization of Mental Health Therapists: Identifying Protective Practices. Psychotherapy, 46, 2, 203-219.

For more information about compassion, practicing compassion, and understanding what compassion is, go to: www.CompassionSpace.com.